Fretting the Small Stuff

Thank you Shiva

Dear Aja and/or Shiva*,

Thank you so much for bringing an Indian restaurant to my little city.  It has been SIX YEARS of living here without having the opportunity to leave my house and drive only a short two miles away to a scrumptious Indian restaurant.  My only recourse is crappy Indian food out of a can or begging my friends when we visit them in sophisticated cities, like Syracuse, NY and Burlington, Vermont, to go eat at yet another feckin' Indian restaurant.  Typically, I would wait many agonizing months before I could taste my favorite, malai kofta, or drink a mango lassi.  Do you know how hard it is not to put my face directly into the kofta when it arrives in front of me?  It takes a lot of restraint.  But now, I don't have to embarrass my husband by shouting with glee my order to the waitress.  Is standing on my chair and clapping as I give my order a little too much?  No?  One of my friends who is an Indian food aficionado plans on frequenting this establishment AS MUCH AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.  And, this lovely place has take-out food too.  Seriously, I can feel the drool accumulating at the corner of my mouth.  Damn I'm sophisticated!

There are only a few issues that need to be worked out like the waiter knowing which entrée is what but whatever.  At least the food was placed in front of me and I could PUT IT IN MAH BELLEH!  If you live in Northwestern Pennsylvania and have been jonesing for some Indian food, check at the Raj Mahal.  Actually, I command you to eat there at least twice a day month so that they restaurant is successful and I can eat there forever and ever the end. 

Cordially,
The Fretful One

* Shiva and Aja are not only part of Hindu culture but they were also the former names of my cats Donald (Shiva) and Emily (Aja).  And let me tell you, both names did not fit these critters.   

Stuff and Things

At one point, I made up an alcohol taste scale and for the life of me I cannot think of what I named it.  That's sad for several reasons: 
First, it means I haven't been using it to try new drinks. 
Second, my memory is already shot.  I thought I would at least I have a couple more years of my sharp memory and wit. 
Third, it means I'm too lazy to look through the archives.  As if looking through the archives means going into a dusty library basement and pouring through Old English texts.  Let's not kid ourselves here.  Fourth, perhaps the lack of memory is due to prior alcohol taste testing?  That's a scary thought.  I will have to consult Preppy Girl (you know who you are) about this. 

And speaking of Preppy Girl (another pseudonym), not only is she wicked smart, but she has impeccable taste in alcoholic beverages.  AND!  That's right, AND!  she makes her very own extra tasty super fancy flavored vodkas.  Seriously!  She graduated in one of the top ten spots in my law school class AND she is a wizard bartender!  What company would not want to hire her?  Seriously.  She can draft bylaws AND make you a kick ass martini.   I'm in awe.

Well where was I?  Oh yeah, my lack of drinking.  I suppose that is a good thing consider I'm trying to lose weight.  I've lost the lucky 13 pounds so far.  Oh yes, I can pat my back with now LESS! BACK FAT! INCLUDED!  Truly I can.  And I don't turn blue when I try to button my pants.  That, my friend(s), is something special.  Speaking of embarrassing, having your pants come unbuttoned when you are at work and you just barely talked to your boss is, well, special.  Yeah.  Nothing says "professional" like having your tummy hanging over your pants.  Not a pleasant sight.   But guess what!  That's in the past!  High fives all around!

Back to drinks.  Now I'm trying to come up with some light alternatives that won't be high caloric sugary yummy yummy goodness.  Sorry, got distracted by the idea of a Bailey's on ice.  Mmmm mmmmm.  And seriously, I'm not that big of a drinker.  My drinking involves Friday happy hour with friends and I have become a light weight.  My limit is either two beers or two glasses of wine.  And soon enough, I will be fully cut off from alcohol for an indeterminate amount of time.  And no, I'm not going into rehab with Amy Winehouse, although how cool would it be to hang out with her!  I've never hung out with a crack addict before!  I'm sure it would be really special.  We'd laugh, we'd cry, and I would braid her beehive.  It would be totally awesome!

So, if my reader (all four of you!) have any tasty low calorie beverage ideas for when I am networking (read: gossiping) and schmoozing (making fun of) at Happy Hour, please let me know.    Whoever gives me the bestest idea will get a pat on the back because we are small time here at Fretting the Small Stuff and don't have the fancy basement door prizes that Bossy has.

White Chili

No thinking or writing, just cooking.  My husband makes a kick ass white chili, you can make it vegetarian or with chicken, I know you'll do the right thing.  I am so frickin' nice I thought I would share:

2 cups vegetable broth (chicken broth - If YOU MUST).

1 can or bottle beer (nothing fancy, Coors is just fine, you know you like it)

1 small or 1/2 big yellow onion chopped (I wear ski goggles so I don't cry, I'm sexay)

2-3 jalapeno peppers diced (depends on how you like your heat, baby)

1 habanero pepper dried or fresh - to taste (WARNING! these are the super freakin' hot peppers - add to taste, wear gloves* when cutting and DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT touch any mucous membranes (i.e. don't cut then pick your nose))

1 small package of mushrooms sliced (not the psychedelic, please)

2 cans cannelloni beans

2 cans garbanzo beans

2 cans navy beans

2 cans corn

(yes, you will fart after consuming, just deal and pull my finger)

1 package tofu cut into cubes

1 package tempeh cut into cubes

(or chicken, IF YOU MUST)

cumin, salt and pepper to taste (excuse to keep sampling while you cook)

cut up onions and mushrooms and saute in butter or olive oil until tender.  Add tempeh and tofu and saute a bit longer until it looks done - not burnt

(if you MUST use chicken, do whatever you do with it - clean, cook, etc. - and then add to onion mixture)

In a large pot, put in beer, broth, beans, and corn.  Bring to boil.  Add cumin, salt and pepper.  I put in a ton of cumin, I just roll that way.  Add habanero pepper to taste.  Add onions and tofu mix.  Continue to stir and let it simmer. 

Before serving, shred a block of cheddar or jack cheese and cut up some bread to serve.  Enjoy. 

*In my usual typing fashion, I typed clothes instead of gloves.  If you cook naked, that's up to you.  I don't judge.

Picky Picky Picky and a RECIPE! HOORAY!

Besides being a vegetarian, I am embarrassingly picky about food.  Especially when it comes to texture. My mom makes this appetizer called Toasted Mushroom Rolls.  It's a very 1950's dish and by far my most favorite thing ever.  One time my mom decided to jazz it up by adding chives to it AND OH MY GOD did I not have the biggest fit.  Who would ruin such a perfect creation by adding GREEN STRINGY THINGS!  I acted like I had just swallowed pond scum and practically threw myself to the ground in horror.  Did I mention I was a teenager?  Perhaps an overly dramatic teenager?  I made my mom promise NEVER to deface Toasted Mushroom Rolls ever again in that way.  I then asked her to say 20 Hail Mary's to also get God's forgiveness for such a mortal sin (okay not really).

Looking back, yes, I am embarrassed by my temper tantrum over the Toasted Mushroom Roll debacle.  But dammit, it is a tasty appetizer and always a big hit whenever I make it.  Because I am a kind and generous human being, I will share this recipe:

Perfect Toasted Mushroom Rolls
Clean and Chop fine ½  lb mushrooms
Saute for five minutes in ¼ cup butter
Blend in 3 tablespoons flour
Stir in 1 cup light cream
Cook until thick. 
Add 1 teaspoon lemon juice
Let mixture cool. 
Remove crust from1 family-size loaf sliced, fresh white bread
Roll slices thin with rolling pin.
Spread mixture on bread
Roll mixture in bread like a cigar (or a doobie for those who well, you know)
Pack and freeze if desired. 
When ready to serve, defrost, cut each roll in half, and toast on all sides in 400 degree F oven until toasted.

I suppose you could add chives but that would be wrong and I wouldn't be so happy with you.
Enjoy!