Let's just get this out there, I am a royal klutz. Period. I trip over my own feet, run into door frames, and fall up staircases. When I announced that I wanted to have a roller skating party as a going away festivity from my firm, people were skeptical. They recalled the great wrist breakage of '06. I won't get into that story now as that is a whole different long post.
So why the hell would I decide to have a roller skating party? Because Schnozzfest's riveting tales of roller derby inspired me to go roller skating that's why. It sounded like so much fun and so cheesy all at the same time. It would be the best of both worlds. So one of the lovely secretaries planned everything from making the perfect roller skating mix to reserving the rink. On Friday, I received a somewhat hysterical message from her after she left the deposit. Essentially, she stated our venue was, in her own words, ghetto and skanky. She wanted to make sure I was okay with that. Well of course! That's all the more perfect for this type of event! I invited a couple of other friends to join us who I knew would appreciate such an event.
Yesterday, I left work early to get ready and stopped by a teeny bopper/hoochie mama type store to pick out the perfect outfit. I ended up purchasing a capped sleeved orange/yellow sweater that looked like it came straight out of the seventies. As I approached the counter, I noticed some stellar accessories including big yellow sparkly plastic earrings and chunky amber bracelets. I added those to my purchase and was ready to go all for the low low price of $12.75.
After changing at home, I chugged a glass of red wine (a small one) and headed out the door to pick up the stellar secretary who planned this event. On the way, we stopped at the liquor store to buy some mini bottles because really, what is not classier than shot gunning Godiva liqueur in the Skateland parking lot? Not a whole lot.
Everything about Skateland was skanky and cheesy, just as I had dreamed. The walls were carpeted with stained brown carpet and the skates were torn and falling apart. Above the giant skating rink hung disco balls, flashing colored lights, and strobe lights. To the side were the round mushroom bench/seats, also carpeted, for lacing up our skates.
Once I tied up my size six skates, I headed for the roller rink. Initially, I thought I would be unable to find my balance but I quickly fell into the easy glide of the skates. On my first spin around, I cautiously took the turns and kept to a safe and slow speed. All I needed was to fall flat on my face during the first minute of my big skating debut. But I didn't. I kept picking up speed and as the music played, I found my groove. More friends joined me and we laughed and boogied to the music. I learned that the only part of the Thriller dance I knew is the claw hands part. I also learned that a sixty or so year old attorney in my law firm could shake his groove thang. All while wearing pink pompoms on his skates. Oh yeah, and our receptionist, who could not attend, made us all pink pompoms to wear on our skates.
The hour and half sped by and not once did I fall, trip, or stumble. I attempted to skate backwards but decided that would be tempting fate and gave up. It felt great to get up enough speed to feel the wind on my face as I sped around the rink with a giant goofy grin on my face.
I do not think I will be a regular on the rink but I did ask for roller blades for Christmas this year. If I can't be a diva on the roller rink, perhaps I can on the peninsula.
